normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
