I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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