I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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