i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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