Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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