dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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