I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
