i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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