WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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