she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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