You just made me feel so damn special
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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