I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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