ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
