12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
