She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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