I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
