if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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