Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
