she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
