how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
