hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
