I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
