we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
did i just pee glitter
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
