that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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