I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
