Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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