so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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