Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
