Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just cropdusted the office
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
