farters have to be the big spoon...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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