I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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