I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
