i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize