I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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