I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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