omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wear drunk well.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
