I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
