i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
