I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
