hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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