I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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