yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
