God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize