i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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