i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
