Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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