i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize