Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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