I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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