i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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