btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
