get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
