end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
