I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
