I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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