My balls are so social today.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
