Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
