Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
