I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
