So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
