sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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