This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
