He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
