Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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