You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
