im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just invented taco cereal.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
