Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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