I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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