We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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