Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
