my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
