I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
