You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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