I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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