i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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