I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
