She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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