i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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