I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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