Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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