So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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