I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
