we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
