Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
my liver is dry heaving
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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