A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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