SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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