I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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