i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
MIDGETS
????
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
