You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
