Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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