I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
