Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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