and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
