Sry I called you an 8
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
