i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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