elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
