Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
