There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
