I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm really into asian looking animals
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
