I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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