I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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