Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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