this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
