i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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