You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
