i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
be right there i have to get my cape
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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