Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
