Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
