Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
